The Christmas Eve of Christmas Countdown 2 0 0 8!

Merry Christmas Eve friends!

This day was just all around wonderful! Let me share the ingredients of this wonderful day with you:

1/2 tsp   Sleep til Noon

3 tsp      Wrap more Christmas presents!

1 cup      Hang out with Scott and give him his kick-tush Christmas present (a Sufjan Stevens                          VINYL record!)

2/3 cup Beltway Christmas Eve Candlelight Service (simply beautiful)

1 gal       Open Christmas presents with the fam!!

Keep reading if you want the long version, otherwise Merry Christmas Eve! :)

Yay! It was such a wonderful day! I did sleep til noon, but that was because I stayed up til 4 AM the night before editing photos and re-fabulous-ifying my website! Go look! New logo, new pictures...I'm so proud! Anyway, when I did wake up, I hung out around the house with my mom, wrapping presents, drinking coffee, and enjoying the day. Scott got off work early and so he came over and I gave him his awesome Christmas present-- a Sufjan Stevens Vinyl record! It was awesome and he loved it! :) Then we ran around town and met with huge success as we tried to get his costume for his family Christmas (they all dress up at Christmas for a family picture...different? yeah, but definitely funny!). 

Later that night, my parents and I went to Beltway's Christmas Eve candlelight service. It was such a beautiful time, I hardly feel like trying to describe it because I know I just won't do the sweet time justice. Let me just say, the Lord spoke His love over me...and it was such a gift! There are a few song lines that we sang tonight that have just been so powerful to me:

(from Amazing Grace)

Twas grace that taught my heart to fear

And grace my fears relieved

How precious did that grace appear

The hour I first believed.

I really understand those first two lyrics now...I've lived them. As I sang them, the truth of grace was so powerful and undeniable. Grace is a beautiful mystery! 

As we left the service and headed home, my family and I were so content and joyful. It was lovely! A little later, my brother and sister-in-law came over and we opened Christmas presents! Oh how fun! I LOVED the gifts that I got everyone this year, and it was so fun to watch them open their presents! I, as well, received so many cool gifts from them, including a vintage camera, an owl lamp, and a necklace from Anthropologie! :)

To top it off, right now I'm listening to Amy Grant's Home For Christmas album (which I grew up listening/dancing to). Hearing those familiar songs and thinking back on the blessed memories attached to the songs just brings joy to my heart. Check out the songs "Emmanuel God with Us" and "O Come All Ye Faithful." They are a couple of my favorites.

Anyway, I'm also glad to say that I totally love my hair now! :) And I'll be posting pictures of it soon, so don't worry! :)

Merry Christmas Eve! God is with us!

Honesty

Today really, truly feels like Fall! It is so gorgeous outside! Clear sky, crisp, cool weather, and that smell of aged leaves in the air. Love it. :) It's funny though, I was getting ready to "peer teach" this morning in one of my classes, and I was walking in and out of doors all morning, but didn't notice the gorgeous weather until after I had finished my teaching. I was just too buried in my thoughts and plans to notice. 

Noticing beauty and the Lord's hand in creation is something I want to embrace during the day. I don't want to get too bogged down with my own stuff. Creation is such a powerful reminder that the Lord is in control, working, and with us. How encouraging and strengthening are those thoughts?! :) 

These thoughts kind of remind me of my attitude when I first started taking photographs. I was awed by the world around me, so I just was enthusiastic to take photos and capture the most important things in life for people (relationships, times worth celebrating, nature, beauty). Here now, a year later, I'm having difficulty keeping that attitude. I find that I'm driven less by joy and more by pleasing the general public, comparing myself to other photographers, and creating a perfect image of myself through "branding." Selfish gain is a giant temptation. 

But friends, I'm not going to give in. 

I can't do it of my own will though...because I've been trying that. I'll let you in on a secret--it hasn't worked. :) The only way I know to combat this, is to put it all into the hands of the Lord by freshly realizing each morning that He is the giver and sustainer of life (and business :) ) and knowing that He is in control, and I'm not. The Lord has gifted me with the gift of encouragement. I know I'm supposed to be using that gift all the time. Why hold back encouragement because I want to seem better than someone else? Seriously, why? It's the old battle of pride. 

I feel like, at least for a while, this will be a rebirth process every morning. That's fine. Pray for me as I continue to fight against this. 

Just so you know, I want to be a stand out light of encouragement, honesty, and love in a market driven by the perfect image and a get-your-own mentality. I'm so thankful for my photographer friends that I've made so far. You guys are invaluable and I so respect the way you share in this fight too! :)

Thanks for letting me get all that out! Whew! :D

My friend, Jamie.

Before reading: This is a seriously personal account that might only be significant to me, but I still wanted to write it. Sorry if I bore you or if this seems like too much information :)

This summer, I found such joy in being a part of a Beth Moore Bible study with some old and new friends. My friend Jamie, who led it, has been my friend since my Freshman year of college. I totally remember the night at Sonic when she introduced me to Brian Regan and his "Carolyn/Caroline" joke. I laughed so hard :) Anyway, Jamie and I had a rough time when we tried living in the same house our Junior year with 4 other friends (so that's six girls total in one house...yikes!!). After only lasting 6 months in that situation, I moved out, things calmed down, and we kinda went our separate ways. Then our Senior year, Jamie bravely announced she felt the Lord was calling her to leave and finish school at Wheaton and I didn't see her for a year. But she's been back this summer! And it's amazing how the Lord has restored our relationship and she's the biggest blessing to me! I don't know another person who has the ability to make things happen like Jamie does. She's the type of person who is bold and passionate enough to actually jump right into an intimidating problem to help fix it. The most exciting thing is that her boldness and passions are all for the Lord!

Anyway, I've been blessed, and I marvel when I look back and see how the Lord has refined us and brought us to the place where we are now as friends. Pretty cool.

On a funny note, last night our Bible study group got together to watch the weekly Beth Moore DVD, but we couldn't find the remote to the DVD player. Without it, you pretty much can't get the player to work...so after a time of worship and discussion, we gave up on finding the remote and watched the Women's Gymnastics on the Olympics! :) It was funny...I suppose you would've had to been there. :)

How do I write the rest of this? It's hard to communicate this without sounding trite or self-centered.

I'm so encouraged in my spiritual gifts though, after this Bible study. I've always loved to lead worship for small girls Bible studies that I've been a part of. The last time I got to do that was probably about a year ago. But people here recently have just been affirming that fact that I am gifted in that area, and that I should be using that gift to honor the Lord. It's exciting...

It's also unbelievably evident to my own eyes that this is a GIFT from the Lord. The fact that the Lord uses me and that people are encouraged is ONLY because of the Lord. I know this because the Lord has used me, to spur people to His heart, when my own heart has been struggling with sincerity in my faith. I am overjoyed to serve a God who raises up people who are not perfect, people who struggle with things, people who mess up...He specifically uses us to advance His kingdom. What an undeserved honor! It humbles me!

Swift Joy.

One last time around...

Summer is going to be over before I know it! I'm planning on making the most of the "lazy" days that are left by swimming plenty, taking a little road trip, and eating at least three sno-cones (I haven't even had one this summer yet!). Secretly though, I've been really excited about the coming of Autumn! The cooler nights, the crisp air, the fashions, the change in everyone's attitude...I'm in love with it! Autumn also brings me back to my college campus. I'm looking forward to the normalcy that school brings to my schedule and life...but this is going to be the last time I experience a Back-to-College Autumn since I'll be graduating in May. I got a little nostalgic last night realizing that next August, I won't be heading back to the dear old college campus.

But even still, I've been nothing but excited about graduating and moving forward in life, especially since most of my friends graduated a couple months ago, and are moving away, getting jobs, and starting families. I'm so excited about what the future holds! I don't really know what I'll be doing yet, or where I'll be living, but I'm not too worried about it yet. Things will fall into place.

I do know one thing though. Whatever happens, I desire to live with the deep purpose of serving my Father in heaven. (Get ready for a big run-on sentence!) Daily life is good, and I do a lot of things on a daily basis, but I've been realizing, the older I get, that I do things just to get them done...which is good...but I want to get things done with my eyes on the hand of my Father. Watching for Him to move. Listening for Him to speak. Knowing that this world is not my home-- I have a heavenly home which I will soon see! That is what gives even the most mundane, daily tasks deep "purpose." I LOVE that the Lord didn't just put us on the earth to get things done. I love that we have gifts and callings and a joyous reason for living, found ONLY in seeking Him.

Life Can Spring Again

I get a devotional eMailed to me every morning and today's words were powerful...I just wanted to share them. It grows terribly burdensome when you just "don't look" at your sin so that you don't have to deal with it. But there is sweet freedom that comes in just saying "It's my fault." The first sentence really speaks to me. Take a minute to read:

"When we call sin what it really is, we can embrace truth, sin can die at the cross, and life can spring again through Christ's resurrection. Confession makes us real. It stops us from creating a web of lies to cover up our sin, and allows us to acknowledge our shortcomings to ourselves and those around us. This humbles us, but living in humility is living in honesty. Trying to hide our fallen-ness only makes us think more highly of ourselves than we ought...Jesus is so good to forgive us though. When no one would cast a stone at the woman caught in adultery, Jesus' words brought shock and relief: "Neither do I condemn you." How sweet these words must have fallen on her ears. Jesus had just saved her life! Then Jesus added, "go, and sin no more" (Jn 8:11)."

Life can spring again...I just can't get that beautiful phrase out of my head! Thank you Jesus!

Photos from Spring Break! And a bit of where I've been. And a lame post title :)

Hello! Here are a few of the photos from Spring Break! Honestly, we took more videos than photos, so there weren't that many to choose from. If you want to see the big ol' video that we compiled, edited, and set to swingin' music, come ask me some time! It's well worth a watch. At least Megan and I think so :)

So...wondering about my blogging absence recently? 

Well, as soon as I got back from the wonderful Spring Break, I got sick. After a week of fun with that, I had what the education majors refer to as "Hell Week" (where we are teaching a class in a local elementary school every day, finishing our observing hours at a different school, completing our tutoring projects, and taking our 2/3 exams--all in ONE WEEK).

On top of all that, my grandmother passed away on Tuesday morning.

Needless to say, last week was one of the longest, roughest week of my life. And even though I don't have deep spiritual things to write, I know the Lord is good. I'm in a quiet place, I'm in a confusing place, I'm in a stressful place...but I know the Lord is good. Not because of some awesome experience, but just because His word says so...and I trust that. Especially in a time of confusion. Hopefully I'll have more clarity on it all soon and can write wonderful and inspiring blog entries. :) But in the meantime...yep.

Love you all! Promise I'll be blogging more soon. And don't forget to be watching for the two surprises.

In the Meantime

Happy 100 posts! That's right, Under the Canvas sky rocks 100 posts as of today! Let's go intercontinental to celebrate: a photo from Spain. Sweet.

This year coming up is one of those years where so many exciting things will be going on. When people ask me how I'm doing, I find myself answering with a list of the exciting things that are going to be coming up. I just find that interesting. I don't think it's a bad thing to be that excited about things on the horizon, but there's always this Jim Elliot quote that surfaces in my thoughts every now and again: "Wherever you are, be all there." I've never quite had a year where I'm so excited about the opportunities coming up like this...but in the meantime, I don't want to lose focus on the small, seemingly mundane events. I've been so incredibly blessed by these passions the Lord has placed deep within me. It's so exciting to watch Him prepare to bring these deep desires to the light and give them a place to bless others! But the small things are still here, too. Pray for me, if you think about it, as I try to balance the big with the small. There is value to be found in it all.

Jesus...don't let me get caught up in dreams for myself. Let me be swept away in Your grand plan to further You're name! You've done so much; keep my focus on you, let me give you all the glory. These things you've done are for YOUR NAME...not mine. Lord keep me looking for people to serve in small ways. Help my attitude, countenance, everything Lord, help it reflect You. Such a gift to have "an unveiled face" to reflect your glory!

Get used to writing 2008!

Hi everyone! Happy New Year! I've been reflecting tonight, thinking over this past year. SO MUCH has happened and changed. Attitudes, relationships, career decisions...I can't even begin to get that personal on this blog (ha!). But trust me, the Lord has done some miraculous, as well as quiet, acts in my life since 2007 started. 

Isn't it amazing to look back and see the Lord's hand carrying you and leading you, even during times when you felt as if He'd left you? I love that, as years pass, we can gain a bigger perspective on our lives. We can truly see the hand of God at work. It's like we are writing our own story, and we can look back on it and be encouraged. 

Looking back is great, but looking forward is another thing. The uncertainty of the future can be burdensome. I just want to encourage you, with whatever you are facing come 2008, you may not know exactly what is going to happen next, but if you're a believer in Jesus, you know where your story will reach it's climactic scene: before the throne of God in heaven where you will hear the sweet voice of our Savior saying, "Well done." God has given us this great climactic scene for our stories...and we take that scene and we get to be creative with the journey on the way to that scene. We live our lives in light of the climactic scene. 

So...two verses that sum this up:

1. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. (Phil 3:14)

2. Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. (Phil 1:27)

Hope you all have a delightful January 1, 2008! 

Can't we just live?

Before I even jump into everything I feel I could write, I just want to marvel at how God created our minds and emotions and everything that makes us "us." It is mindblowingly complex. It's cool to look at the big picture and know that God is the God who created mountains and galaxies, but I think it's even more incredible to see His attention to detail. Each breath. Syllables. Shadows. The color red. Such tiny things that he gives His attention, all while keeping the big things in order. We serve a God who is everything.



Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! Rom 11:33



These past few days, my mind has not been on the things of God. I've wanted God's leading, but my heart has not put forth the effort to seek Him with all my heart. It's a lesson I've learned a million times, but all my frazzled-ness is calmed when I am in the Word. I finally let down and just read and thought out loud to God a little bit ago...the peace makes it seem like I was never freaked out. And my heart is absoluteley welling up with the love that God must have for His children to offer such peace again and again. So good. So beautiful. And so sweet.



Since my mind hasn't been on God these past few days, my mind has been on myself. Selfishness was the name of the game (and IS the name of the game alot of the time). I do not want it. I want to wake up every morning and ask myself why I am so selfish when I've been given so much. Father please help me get it in perspective.



I was talking to Kassie last night at the NSO paramount movie showing and we were talking about how worrying and selfish thoughts can get us stuck and we miss life. She was telling me that Chase (her boyfriend) always asks her, "Kassie, can't we just live?"



If you've read this blog for any amount of time, you are probably thinking, "Is this an entry from last month. Because it sounds the same." :) You would be right. I get selfish, then realize how dumb and dangerous that is, then come back to the Lord with such joy that He is yet again taking me back. I wish I was a perfect person so that I could give God a great rap on earth...but did anyone catch something wrong with that sentence?



God can make His own great rap. Sorry Caroline.



I don't really understand the mastermind plan of God :) but this I know-- 1. I can't understand it fully (Isaiah 55:9 go look it up), and 2. God is good anyway (Psalm 84:11, go read it. And notice it says "Blameless" which means forgiven...not perfect).



Anyway, I hope you are all having wonderful days and I hope that somehow the Lord uses this to inspire you to Him. As always, I'm greatful to you for reading. :)







Seriously, go look up those verses.

November's Top 5!

Am I seriously already writing another Top 5? This month flew!! Okay, well here's the Top 5 for November (Top 5 is made up anything that catches my eye if you were wondering.)

1. Raise your hand if you were looking for a PLAID coat this winter! Look no further than American Eagle! They even come in different colors and have a detachable hood. You can bet your bottom dollar that I asked my parents for this one for Christmas. :)

2. Chilly? Go buy some really cute thick tube socks (or knee socks), pour in a few cups of long grain rice, sew the end shut and you've got yourself a new best friend: a heatsock! Once you make yours, put it in the microwave (NOT the oven) for 1 or 2 minutes. The things stay warm forever! I use mine (or, um...actually my roommate's) when I go to bed to keep my feet warm. They also feel great on your neck (or anywhere else). You'll have your own little heating pad- no plugs required!

3. I love free stuff. And I love Mars Hill Church in Seattle. So it stands to reason that I love their free podcast on iTunes! Rob Bell is an amazing teacher, and I'm so excited about his sermon lineup for Christmas! Make sure you subscribe by December- it will be a four week Advent series (sermons by week will be: Do Not Be Afraid, Joy, Glory, and the Peace of God). What a way to get ready for the glorious celebration of Christmas!

4. Looking for a sweet gift or something to make stellar invitations? Look no further than Angela Adams! These stationary designs are simple and balanced, but retro-fun and colorful! Totally mix and match-- anything goes! I especially appreciate her little slogan, "Shouldn't you be inspired by the thing that you use everyday?" :)

5. Ready for some ultra-lounge Christmas music? Grab a copy of Christmas Cocktails-- some of the jazzy-est and most classic Christmas songs ever. The best part? It's on iTunes! More good news? There are three (maybe more) volumes, so you won't get tired of the same ol' songs. Another Christmas music recommendation: Michael Buble's 5 song EP "Let it Snow!"

There ya go!

On a more heartfelt note, it's been a rough past couple of weeks for me dealing with stress and school, and I'm sure it's been that way for lots of other people out there. It's just that time of the semester when everyone seems exhausted. I was flipping through my Bible the other night and came across these few verses that spoke peace to me, and reminded me that we have a heavenly home that we will soon see. This is a truth that cannot dim: I will see God!

Behold I will create new heavens and a new earth. The former things will not be remembered...but be glad and rejoice in what I will create. For I will take delight in my people. The sound of weeping will be heard no more. Never again will there be an infant who lives but a few days or an old man who does not live out his years. Isaiah 65:17-20 (a bit paraphrased)

Much love,

Caroline

Hmmm...

*PHOTO POST!!*

Apparently I thought I was done being sick...but I'm not. This week has been the most off week ever for me; it has NOT been fun. Aside from randomly having a fever every other day and being behind in classes, my purse got stolen on Friday which kinda pushed me over the edge stress-wise. I'm not sure why stress is getting to me this much this year since I usually have a pretty easy time handling it...And also, if you are a girl reading this and struggling with insecurity, know that you are not alone at all. I've definitely had one of those weeks. Sometimes it's just good to know your not alone.

Some good things this week though: I got to have lunch on Wednesday with my BFF Emily :) She's engaged and just so beautiful! It was WONDERFUL to see her and get to catch up. Going to different colleges means we hardly get to see each other, but when we do it is so great and I'm so thankful for her! Another good thing: I had two photoshoots this week where I actually got paid! My first ones! And they were lots of fun. Photography has been the greatest gift during this stressful, not-feeling-good-enough time because it's something I know I love and can do successfully. Yay! One more good thing: On Monday, I got to hang out with Christina and Cara, some of my most precious friends from HS. They wanted to have a time when we could just get together and seek the Lord and pray for each other. Not an official Bible study or anything like that, just 3 girls wanting to encourage each other and make sure we are all being encouraged. What a blessing it was and will be!

I haven't gotten to spend much time in the Word this week, but one verse that has been stuck in my mind all week is Jonah 2:8 "Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs." Wow, what do you even say about that? In those times when we don't want give up whatever idol we are using to make ourselves feel better, we don't realize what we are forfeiting...the grace that will bring peace and true life. Mmmmhmmm.

So, here are some of the pictures from the Aeschliman family photo shoot!! I found this sweeeeeeeet vintage couch and we headed out to First Baptist on Saturday to snap some family pictures for their Christmas cards. Jennifer goes to school at HSU, but her mom and brother drove in from Dallas for the shoot! Whoo!! It was really fun :)

Aren't they the most beautiful family you've ever seen?!

I hope you all have a great night. Much love.

Thoughts on Esther 3

Tonight at Bible study we were looking at Esther 3. We're going to be going through the entire book this semester and it's been so nice to take it slow, just a chapter a week, and really dive deep into the contexts, words, history, and lineages to see what the Lord is weaving together from all these separate lives. I just wanted to share some reassuring thoughts we gathered tonight. Hang in there, it gets wordy but is worth it, I think...PS if you haven't read the book of Esther, this might not make sense. So go read it. It's short. :)

The craziest thing to me in this chapter is how much influence Haman (the "bad guy) has over the King. Haman has so much power, yet we read that he is a descendant of Agag the Amalekite. This is a big deal because God had declared "war against the Amalekites from generation to generation" because of their attack on Israel (see Exodus 17:8-16 and 1 Samuel 15:2 for more on that). So this guy who was an enemy of God was basically the King's right hand man. I find it fascinating that God allowed him to come to that much power. You would think God would be like, "Oh an enemy of mine? He can't be the king's right hand man. All my enemies have to be servants or something." Haha, sorry for the loose interpretation of God's persona. If I were a Jew at that time, I would be like, "Hey God, can't we get this guy out of office?! He's your enemy and he wants to kill us all!" But God is so in control. He allowed Haman that position so that He might further display his glory. He had it under control the whole time. Even when it seemed like Haman was taking over and was going to kill all the Jews, GOD HAD IT UNDER CONTROL.

It gives me comfort to know that even though God might allow "bad people" to come to power over our country, another country, the world, or even something local I'm involved in, He still has it under His control. No matter how powerful the person might seem, that person still must succumb to the power of God. NOTHING is greater or more magnificent than the power of God. EVERY knee will bow. I am so encouraged by that. It is good to know I am on the winning team. Sorry for the lame sports reference.

Another cool little tidbit from Esther 3 is that Haman decides to cast lots to pick the date when he wants to wipe out the Jews. "By a seeming coincidence the date indicated was nearly a year away. As someone has said, 'Even superstition is chained to the divine chariot-wheels.' God overruled to allow sufficient time to thwart Haman's plan. 'The lot is cast into the lap, but it's every decision is from the Lord.' Prov 16:33" So encouraging to know that superstition, the stars, or even Satan are all under God's ruling. I just love it that my God is so powerful! And yet so full of love for His children! If this is making you stand in awe and reverent fear, it should! So awesome! I'm definitely feeling the holy fear in me just thinking about it.

The book of Esther is awesome. One thing that I'm loving right now is reading the Bible with a commentary next to me. Commentaries bring so much light and practical application to some passages of scripture where I'm like, "What?!" My dad bought me the Believer's Bible Commentary by William MacDonald a few years back and that's what I'm using and loving. It's a big fat book, but well worth it! If you're tired in reading the Bible, try it out! It really helps you understand.

Well, thanks for reading this whole post if you made it this far. I hope it made sense. I was just so amazed I wanted to share it! Hopefully you will be spurred on to read the Word and God will reveal even MORE amazing things to you! Have a good night. :)

I will give you $1 so you can go download this song...

Man...what a day. Very surprising. Anyway, the main reason I'm writing is to share with you this amazing song that has helped me keep my focus on our sweet Savior today. It's Crown Him by Enter The Worship Circle (Ben Pasley) from his album Chair and Microphone. Go to iTunes and DOWNLOAD IT!! Just one song people...you can afford it. :) Ben's voice carries so much passion and emotion and the simplicity of the guitar and voice only are refreshing. The lyrics are the most amazing part. Here they are:



Listen all you unborn children, and those yet to be born again
A seed from the God of heaven… was planted here in the world of men
He grew up only to be broken, He grow up only to be buried
“Hold on,” I heard the prophet say, “hold on, that’s not the end.”

‘Cause when the cross went up, the curtain came down
And a hush ran across the stage, but when the stone was rolled back
All the angels came ‘round, and the earth stood up on its feet to say…

Crown Him Love, crown Him Alive and Well, Crown Him God of Our Salvation
Crown Him Lovely, crown Him Beautiful, He is God and we adore Him…



I love the reference to the curtain being torn in two. We have free and sweet communion and fellowship with the Creator of universe and it's details.

For great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; he is to be feared above all gods. For all the gods of the nations are idols, but the LORD made the heavens. Psalm 96:4-5

We Are Not Unaware...

Last night I was present in a conversation about getting cancer and all the troubles it brings and how most of us will get cancer at some point in our lives. Just so you know, I really do not enjoy conversations like that, and last night was no exception. I just wanted to go outside and look at the beauty of a night sky and get away from all this hard stuff of life. And that's ok.

But later I was thinking. This is life. Life is full, ever so full. Full to the brim with things like excitement and weddings to things like depression and divorce. I can't pretend the bad doesn't exist (although sometimes I'd like to try)...but I have been given a reason to be fearless in the face of it all.

The LORD is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27:1

We would be foolish to avert our eyes to problems and trick ourselves in believing everything is dandy. And I am not going to find my "joy" in turning my eyes from the obvious, claiming naivety--THAT is asking for it. But what I am doing is looking straight in the face of the things- all the things- that come in my full life, acknowledging they are there, but knowing my God is greater. I am finding my joy in the truth that life is hard but God is greater.

There is so much joy in embracing the truth of the moment-- that God is going to provide in His divine manner, no matter what the situation. There is false control in averting our eyes from what is actually happening.

I'm not sure if I'm getting this across well...it is so deep in my heart. All our hopes and dreams of getting out of life predictably, easily, and on schedule are NOTHING compared to God's surpassingly more powerful and more beautiful plan for His children. We can't get our minds around that, it seems...but it is true no matter the way things seem.

When will we as Christians claim that bold promise God freely gives? How much will it take?

Hold Lightly

Knowledge means nothing unless it is put into practice...Here are some verses and thoughts that have made a huge difference to me today.

"Do not love the world or anything in the world...The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever." I John 2:15, 17

"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money." Mat 6:24

He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. -Jim Elliot.

I've had ants in my pants or something spawning me on in this race trying to keep up with earthly possessions. I mean I have been freaking out. I admit it- I've held on to the things of the world with a death grip. And the tighter I hold, the more things get out of control. Jesus offers so much peace and we turn Him down for...what? I do not know...but I do it all the time. I want to follow the Voice full of untamed splendor and persistent beauty.

Sweet Jesus forgive me. Be so near. Thank you for this realization, help me put it into practice so that Your name may be praised and honored. Oh how much I love you. Clarity, Lord, please give clarity and rest. Amen.

Obedience vs. Performance

In our relationships with God, the line between obedience and performance can be a blurry one; but it's important to grasp because obedience leads to life...performance leads to death.

Obedience is seeking God with your whole heart.
Performance is having a quiet time because you feel guilty if you don't.

Obedience is inviting guests into your home for dinner.
Performance is feeling anxious that every detail is perfect.

Obedience is wanting to do your best.
Performance is wanting to be better than everyone else.

Obedience is saying yes to everything God asks you to do.
Performance is following a list of man made requirements.

Obedience springs from fear of God.
Performance springs from fear of failure.

All of these things are SO relevant to my life right now. I deal with the obedience/performance battle all the time. When I remember these things though, it's easier for me to be at peace and let the gentle hands of an all powerful God shape me into what I am to be.

A Heart of Repentance

I've been so reminded of the faithfulness and strength found in the Lord. I have been in a place where I've tried to do things on my own...and it's all been in vain. I haven't gotten anywhere at all. But yesterday, I felt the Lord calling my heart to be with him at lunch. Surrendering to Him changed the rest of my day completely and it was wonderful! Not like my day was perfect, but my heart was at peace.

Then as I was driving later, the Lord put the word "repentance" on my heart. It's a word that has been on my heart a lot. When we struggle and struggle with the same sins over and over again, we begin to wonder what's going on. Why are we still struggling if we are Christians? I think the answer lies in repentance. We may be sorry for what we've done, but are we repentant? The Lord simply said to me yesterday, "I've called you to have a heart of repentance right now. That means you do things My way. Not for your own happiness. You don't have to struggle between how you feel about the situation and what I say about it anymore...it's only about what I say. When you do these things, everything else will be taken care of." It may seem weird, but I feel like this truth has totally set me free! :) I'm excited to embrace this truth. Thank you Jesus.

Father, this moment I am choosing the way of truth. I want to set my heart on your words. Help me choose the way of truth the rest of my days. Let it be so.

Prayer brings Peace

Prayer is such an amazing gift. I've been having a hard time emotionally the past couple of days, and then I realized all I was doing was thinking, thinking, thinking about it (which of course, makes things worse). I was sitting here at my desk and remembered, "Hey, I definitly need to pray about this instead of just mull over it!" Prayer is where the answer lies. Prayer is where the communication between God and me comes in and soothes my troubled heart. Prayer brings peace. The Lord is so good and I simply want to meditate on that. I've gotten to be in the Word alot recently and have just been bouncing between Galatians, Ephesians, and Philippians. It's been lovely.

Life is hard but God is good. And so we live.

Beautiful

Well, we had our weekend of sunshine and apparently it's time for another storm. I love watching the darkness gather on the horizon, waiting in anticipation. I know this is weird, but storms actually make me feel safe. I think it's because I know Who makes them and it is evidence that He is in control.

This weekend was so good! Saturday I got to hang out with some of my dear friends from HS. We went swimming, got coffee, talked alot, and then went to Melina's house and SALSA DANCED! I love it! I also stayed up til 4 AM (which never ever happens anymore...responsibility, jobs, ya know) and got to hang out with Meg. She's now on her way to Switzerland! Wow...maybe some day I can go to Europe :) Later though, Kassie, Chase, and Megan came back and we went to the pool and were loud and obnoxious, just having the time of our lives playing silly middle school pool games. When we got back to the house, Jenn and Dan were there and they had cooked AMAZING hamburgers for us! How sweet! Then we got to see Kassie and Jenn's new apartment (which is adorable). I'd say this weekend was a winner!

One of my dear friends, Elizabeth Brown wrote this and I wanted to share it:

"There's something wonderful about being a woman. I dont know if its just the fact that I have desire and vision for beauty or the fact that every little detail of the smallest thing can fill my heart up to the brim. As a woman it is easy to relate to God as the lover of my soul, but i also see the need to know the mother of my soul, that he celebrates the feminine, that those joyous little details are there to intice me to praise him for his tender awe inspiring handiwork. There is also power and authority in being woman that is not supposed to look like man. Picture Galadriel, Joan of Arc, "I am no man". God, where is your church? She is hiding, afraid of what she's been told to be. She thinks she herself is not good enough, that she must compete with man, but she has her own role to play, just as man does, and there is nothing frightened or hidden about her. She will rise to mother, love, and fiercely defend those she as laid in her heart. Woman completes the image that God designed. His church must have both sides serving him boldly and to their fullest capacity."

I love that vision. It is my heart. Although I struggle with it so much, I believe the Lord has called me to share that message with girls and women. Hm. Having the Lord walk beside me is so sweet. I have nothing to fear.

Man, it's really pouring rain now! The streets are like creeks! I love it!

Beauty and Culture (and some of my day)

I DANCED LAST NIGHT!!!

Everyone clap! It was sooooooo refreshing/relaxing/rejuvenating!

Oh, it is so beautiful having friends back. I've missed them so very much! And now everyone is all back at the same time. :) Last night, Kassie cooked an amazing meal for us and then we played Catan all night. Yay!

I just had such a peaceful night with the Lord too. I'm feeling very free. I know that I am not captive to this world. My mind is often dominated by the definitions of the world...especially the worldly idea of beauty. I compare, I compete, I drive myself crazy sometimes really believing my worth is based on what people think of me. But I read this article yesterday that helped put that in perspective. Here's a bit of it:

"Beauty, and our experience of it, is a matter of culture. But you don't have to be a captive of your culture. In this life you'll never escape it, but the good news of the gospel is that Jesus Christ rescues us from our fallen cultures and brings us into a new culture, a kingdom of light. Without the power of the gospel, our culture really is king and we will play by its rules because there's no other game in town. That's what Paul is talking about in Romans 1:18-32 when he says that we all have exchanged the truth of God for a lie. When you really believe a lie, you can't recognize the truth anymore. But there is victory in Jesus and God did create our bodies in all of their variety in order to reflect the glory of his image. Women should shape the whole of their lives for the loving gaze of God. His eyes never fail to recognize true beauty and his heart never fails to be attracted to it. Men, why would you want to be any different?"