3 Days Left! Christmas Countdown 2 0 0 8

I drove home late tonight with the most gorgeous night sky as my companion. It was simply breathtaking with the dark blues contrasting the swiftly moving grey clouds. The moon lit it all up, causing the sky to take on a much more ethereal mood. This lovely sight was relieving to take in; Today was a day of massive change. I don't really feel the need to explain it all in great detail, but a while ago I decided to cut my hair and give it to Locks of Love, and today I actually went through with the plan. Maybe it sounds like no big deal, but it was to me personally.

10 inches. TEN inches. Ten inches. 10.

I cut off ten inches. Going to the beauty shop on this blustery winter day with my mom and sharing the excitement and thrill was an absolute blast! So much fun! I loved the experience and I loved how my hair turned out. But of course, it's going to take some getting used to, and that's been sort of difficult. I keep exclaiming to myself, "I can't believe you cut off all your hair!" Crazy. But I'm glad I did it. It's such a great feeling knowing that my hair will be used to make someone's life a little brighter. :) :) Let's just hope I get used to my short hair quickly!

Anyway, on to the Christmas-y thing of today! I initiated Scott into my Christmas tradition by making him watch "Fay's 12 Days of Christmas" with me! Oh I just knew a guy with his kind of humor would really appreciate that video, and he did! :) 

Merry Christmas!

Honesty

Today really, truly feels like Fall! It is so gorgeous outside! Clear sky, crisp, cool weather, and that smell of aged leaves in the air. Love it. :) It's funny though, I was getting ready to "peer teach" this morning in one of my classes, and I was walking in and out of doors all morning, but didn't notice the gorgeous weather until after I had finished my teaching. I was just too buried in my thoughts and plans to notice. 

Noticing beauty and the Lord's hand in creation is something I want to embrace during the day. I don't want to get too bogged down with my own stuff. Creation is such a powerful reminder that the Lord is in control, working, and with us. How encouraging and strengthening are those thoughts?! :) 

These thoughts kind of remind me of my attitude when I first started taking photographs. I was awed by the world around me, so I just was enthusiastic to take photos and capture the most important things in life for people (relationships, times worth celebrating, nature, beauty). Here now, a year later, I'm having difficulty keeping that attitude. I find that I'm driven less by joy and more by pleasing the general public, comparing myself to other photographers, and creating a perfect image of myself through "branding." Selfish gain is a giant temptation. 

But friends, I'm not going to give in. 

I can't do it of my own will though...because I've been trying that. I'll let you in on a secret--it hasn't worked. :) The only way I know to combat this, is to put it all into the hands of the Lord by freshly realizing each morning that He is the giver and sustainer of life (and business :) ) and knowing that He is in control, and I'm not. The Lord has gifted me with the gift of encouragement. I know I'm supposed to be using that gift all the time. Why hold back encouragement because I want to seem better than someone else? Seriously, why? It's the old battle of pride. 

I feel like, at least for a while, this will be a rebirth process every morning. That's fine. Pray for me as I continue to fight against this. 

Just so you know, I want to be a stand out light of encouragement, honesty, and love in a market driven by the perfect image and a get-your-own mentality. I'm so thankful for my photographer friends that I've made so far. You guys are invaluable and I so respect the way you share in this fight too! :)

Thanks for letting me get all that out! Whew! :D

Summer Sum Up!

Here comes school! Five days and counting! I'm actually not that sad to see summer go like I usually am. I think that's because I'm graduating this year, and I'm just ready! Besides I can't wait for the crisp fall weather! (All seven days of it we get in Texas, sandwiched between summer and winter.)

Anyway, my friend Lilly wrote a summer sum up on her blog and I just liked the idea, so here goes!


1. Joined a gym. (Yesss! Long term goal--done!)

2. Booked several weddings! Yay!

3. Went on lots of road trips, all in Texas, but still a blast!

4. Took a summer school course...

5. Saw dear friends get married: Emily&Josh, Hailey&Adam, Kassie&Chase.

6. Launched my website and got biz cards.

7. Helped lead a Bible study for some girls I know who are about to start college.

8. Got addicted to coffee :)

9. Worked...alot...a whole lot.

10. Got to lead worship all summer for the small group Beth Moore study I was in.

Yay! There's a great summer right there! Even though it was CRAZY busy and I was frustrated at that fact, it was a very good summer. I'm thankful for each of those things.

I want to cultivate a thankful heart as school is starting. I found myself complaining already about a professor I have...no need for that, especially when school hasn't even started! Last night, during our last Beth Moore sesh, she said something that I think will stick with me forever, "If you want to be set apart in this world as we are called to be, just stop complaining! Stop grumbling about your job, your spouse, your dinner, etc. The world will notice VERY quickly that something is different!"

Cool.

My friend, Jamie.

Before reading: This is a seriously personal account that might only be significant to me, but I still wanted to write it. Sorry if I bore you or if this seems like too much information :)

This summer, I found such joy in being a part of a Beth Moore Bible study with some old and new friends. My friend Jamie, who led it, has been my friend since my Freshman year of college. I totally remember the night at Sonic when she introduced me to Brian Regan and his "Carolyn/Caroline" joke. I laughed so hard :) Anyway, Jamie and I had a rough time when we tried living in the same house our Junior year with 4 other friends (so that's six girls total in one house...yikes!!). After only lasting 6 months in that situation, I moved out, things calmed down, and we kinda went our separate ways. Then our Senior year, Jamie bravely announced she felt the Lord was calling her to leave and finish school at Wheaton and I didn't see her for a year. But she's been back this summer! And it's amazing how the Lord has restored our relationship and she's the biggest blessing to me! I don't know another person who has the ability to make things happen like Jamie does. She's the type of person who is bold and passionate enough to actually jump right into an intimidating problem to help fix it. The most exciting thing is that her boldness and passions are all for the Lord!

Anyway, I've been blessed, and I marvel when I look back and see how the Lord has refined us and brought us to the place where we are now as friends. Pretty cool.

On a funny note, last night our Bible study group got together to watch the weekly Beth Moore DVD, but we couldn't find the remote to the DVD player. Without it, you pretty much can't get the player to work...so after a time of worship and discussion, we gave up on finding the remote and watched the Women's Gymnastics on the Olympics! :) It was funny...I suppose you would've had to been there. :)

How do I write the rest of this? It's hard to communicate this without sounding trite or self-centered.

I'm so encouraged in my spiritual gifts though, after this Bible study. I've always loved to lead worship for small girls Bible studies that I've been a part of. The last time I got to do that was probably about a year ago. But people here recently have just been affirming that fact that I am gifted in that area, and that I should be using that gift to honor the Lord. It's exciting...

It's also unbelievably evident to my own eyes that this is a GIFT from the Lord. The fact that the Lord uses me and that people are encouraged is ONLY because of the Lord. I know this because the Lord has used me, to spur people to His heart, when my own heart has been struggling with sincerity in my faith. I am overjoyed to serve a God who raises up people who are not perfect, people who struggle with things, people who mess up...He specifically uses us to advance His kingdom. What an undeserved honor! It humbles me!

Swift Joy.

One last time around...

Summer is going to be over before I know it! I'm planning on making the most of the "lazy" days that are left by swimming plenty, taking a little road trip, and eating at least three sno-cones (I haven't even had one this summer yet!). Secretly though, I've been really excited about the coming of Autumn! The cooler nights, the crisp air, the fashions, the change in everyone's attitude...I'm in love with it! Autumn also brings me back to my college campus. I'm looking forward to the normalcy that school brings to my schedule and life...but this is going to be the last time I experience a Back-to-College Autumn since I'll be graduating in May. I got a little nostalgic last night realizing that next August, I won't be heading back to the dear old college campus.

But even still, I've been nothing but excited about graduating and moving forward in life, especially since most of my friends graduated a couple months ago, and are moving away, getting jobs, and starting families. I'm so excited about what the future holds! I don't really know what I'll be doing yet, or where I'll be living, but I'm not too worried about it yet. Things will fall into place.

I do know one thing though. Whatever happens, I desire to live with the deep purpose of serving my Father in heaven. (Get ready for a big run-on sentence!) Daily life is good, and I do a lot of things on a daily basis, but I've been realizing, the older I get, that I do things just to get them done...which is good...but I want to get things done with my eyes on the hand of my Father. Watching for Him to move. Listening for Him to speak. Knowing that this world is not my home-- I have a heavenly home which I will soon see! That is what gives even the most mundane, daily tasks deep "purpose." I LOVE that the Lord didn't just put us on the earth to get things done. I love that we have gifts and callings and a joyous reason for living, found ONLY in seeking Him.

Life Can Spring Again

I get a devotional eMailed to me every morning and today's words were powerful...I just wanted to share them. It grows terribly burdensome when you just "don't look" at your sin so that you don't have to deal with it. But there is sweet freedom that comes in just saying "It's my fault." The first sentence really speaks to me. Take a minute to read:

"When we call sin what it really is, we can embrace truth, sin can die at the cross, and life can spring again through Christ's resurrection. Confession makes us real. It stops us from creating a web of lies to cover up our sin, and allows us to acknowledge our shortcomings to ourselves and those around us. This humbles us, but living in humility is living in honesty. Trying to hide our fallen-ness only makes us think more highly of ourselves than we ought...Jesus is so good to forgive us though. When no one would cast a stone at the woman caught in adultery, Jesus' words brought shock and relief: "Neither do I condemn you." How sweet these words must have fallen on her ears. Jesus had just saved her life! Then Jesus added, "go, and sin no more" (Jn 8:11)."

Life can spring again...I just can't get that beautiful phrase out of my head! Thank you Jesus!

Enjoying the Blog

First of all, I feel like I should apologize for the profuse amount of blogging that I've done since I've re-opened this blog. I never realized how much I missed it! I blog for many reasons, but one big reason is so that I remember (and focus on) the good things in my life. It seems like if we don't record the things that go on in our lives we easily forget them...and for some reason we tend to forget the good things first! Maybe I'm just in a strange stage or something, but since I've started blogging here again, it is SO MUCH easier to be thankful, content, and joyful! I love it :)

Anyway, I came across this post from Jessica Claire's blog the other day, and really appreciated it. So I though I'd share it with you!

So glad I have internet service here!

Hello, hello!! 

It is so hard to put into words how insanely excited I get when I get close to the ocean...but just so you know...I'M LOOKING AT THE OCEAN!!

Erin and I pulled in town just a few minutes ago, got checked into our hotel, and I'm pretty sure I've already decided I'm sleeping on the balcony. 

Not really. But it is gorgeous. Even though it's one in the morning and it's super dark out. You can still hear the ocean and you can see the waves breaking! Not to mention the sky is partially cloudy which means bright stars with a smattering of cloud silhouettes. Apparently the ocean brings out the poet in me as well. :)

Well, we are here to work (shoot a wedding...which I'm insanely excited about...wedding's on the beach!) but already, I've felt so rejuvenated in my heart. I so needed to get away from school and all. School's been kicking my bum like nothing else recently. But anyway, it's been wonderful to have this opportunity. 

Erin and I really got to know each other on the way down here (with an 8 hour drive,  that's no surprise) and that was a blessing. Not to mention, I got some alone time on the balcony a few minutes ago, just me and the Lord...so sweet. I keep marveling with thoughts like, "God, you TOLD the waves where to stop! You put the stars in the sky!" Really, the thoughts are so big that I can't help but laugh at how I can't comprehend it. Amazing.

Well, it's time for bed. Got a long day tomorrow. But it will be beautiful!

Much love!

Honey, I'm home!

I'm back from Spring Break '08 and it was...GREAT! The secret destination location was Rockport, Texas! Meg and I left on Saturday, drove all day, and then arrived on the beach! It was such a fun week filled with fun on the beach (like laying in the sun, playing in the waves, and flying kites!), shopping trips, ferry rides, renting a new movie every night, DELICIOUS food (including my favorite restaurant: Charlotte Plummers!) and the Texas State Aquarium! Wahoo! I needed a week like that. :)

Pictures/Videos will be coming soon!

Now it's back to reality, and I'm really not complaining. I feel more focused after having a week of total fun and relaxation. I'm a little nervous about how much homework I have to do before Monday...and the week after that, teaching every day...but I'll get it done!

Right now I have photography fever! My creative juices are flowing, and I want to make some stellar shots! I've got a few engagement sessions coming up the next few weeks, and I'm SO excited about them! I keep getting lens/equipment lust though! The 24-70mm is a'callin' my name. ...Caroline... But don't forget about my exciting news from my last post. Still a "secret" but I'm sure if you run into me somewhere, I'll spill the beans. :)

I really can't explain how refreshed and refocused I feel after this week. Simply wonderful. :)

One night, after hanging out on the beach all day, I ran across this verse: "Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb, when I made the clouds its garment...when I fixed limits for it when I said, 'This far you may come and no farther; here is where your proud waves halt'?" Job 38:8-11

The next day, that's all I could think about while watching the ocean waves roll in and out. God, my God determines exactly where those waves stop. Wow. Our God is so powerful and so in control! And He is good. In the deepest sense of the word, He is good. I got to experience some of His goodness to me this week. Beautiful.

Make sure to watch out for some photos from the week in a day or two!

A bit on the nippy side out, eh Steve?

No one told me it was going to be FREEZING today! Thus, I left the house in typical Texas weather clothes- flats, no socks, a long sleeve shirt. At least I was wearing a scarf. This post is going to be fun and random, so, to quote that guy who always had a cigarrette in his mouth on Jurassic Park, "hold onto your butts."

My upstairs neighbors are being awfully loud. I don't like loud upstairs neighbors, but it's more something to laugh at than a real annoyance. Megan and I always pretend we're going to throw things at the ceiling and yell at them. We have fun with it. :)

Just in case anyone wants to know, there is no women's restroom on the third floor of A-Hall at HSU. I found that out the awkwardly embarrassing way today. I was walking around in a happy bubble and missed the sign that was blaring "MEN." But...as soon as I walked in, I knew something was wrong. This was my thought line that all took place in about 2 seconds: Whoa, they redid the floors in here, when did that happen? Hey they moved the mirror too. It smells funny in here. (Then as I realized...) Oh...my...gosh. Am I in the men's restroom?! Quick! Look for urinals...AHH! (And I was out of there!)

At least no one saw me. 

I never realized how huge a part coffee played in my life. Since going to the dentist and having my revelation about not drinking sugar filled Starbucks, I've been asked to coffee dozens of times. Seriously. Want to go study? Starbucks. Want to get together to catch up? Starbucks. Want to go for a drive? Inevitably we end up at...Starbucks. But be proud, I've only gotten a drink a couple of times. I'm taking good care of my teeth!

Speaking of coffee, I went to Starbucks the other day (and didn't drink any coffee!) and saw my friend Cherith who just had her first child about 6 months ago. She and her hubby are pregnant again! :) :) I'm excited!

Today was my interview for Pine Cove! Oh, it was so good! If nothing else, it was really fun to sit down with a complete stranger and get to talk about what I believe and what the Lord has been teaching me. 

Geez, the upstairs neighbors are being really loud! I want to ask them what in the heck they are doing up there.

Anyway, something interesting happened though, at my interview. I was asked what one of my biggest weaknesses was and I immediately responded, "Pride." As soon as it came out of my mouth I was thinking, Where did that come from? Sure, everyone struggles with pride, but if I had taken a moment to think, I would have said something like, "Oh, my biggest weakness is worrying too much about what others think of me and letting that define me." Which is a big weakness of mine. But instead, pride came out. Fascinating. It's like my insides knew it, but my mind didn't. So I've been chewing on that all day. And I've realized it's very true.

What a long post! I haven't had a post this long in a long while! And I also haven't had a post this random in a while. Did you catch the reference to Homestarrunner.com in the post title? Anyone?

In the Meantime

Happy 100 posts! That's right, Under the Canvas sky rocks 100 posts as of today! Let's go intercontinental to celebrate: a photo from Spain. Sweet.

This year coming up is one of those years where so many exciting things will be going on. When people ask me how I'm doing, I find myself answering with a list of the exciting things that are going to be coming up. I just find that interesting. I don't think it's a bad thing to be that excited about things on the horizon, but there's always this Jim Elliot quote that surfaces in my thoughts every now and again: "Wherever you are, be all there." I've never quite had a year where I'm so excited about the opportunities coming up like this...but in the meantime, I don't want to lose focus on the small, seemingly mundane events. I've been so incredibly blessed by these passions the Lord has placed deep within me. It's so exciting to watch Him prepare to bring these deep desires to the light and give them a place to bless others! But the small things are still here, too. Pray for me, if you think about it, as I try to balance the big with the small. There is value to be found in it all.

Jesus...don't let me get caught up in dreams for myself. Let me be swept away in Your grand plan to further You're name! You've done so much; keep my focus on you, let me give you all the glory. These things you've done are for YOUR NAME...not mine. Lord keep me looking for people to serve in small ways. Help my attitude, countenance, everything Lord, help it reflect You. Such a gift to have "an unveiled face" to reflect your glory!

Get used to writing 2008!

Hi everyone! Happy New Year! I've been reflecting tonight, thinking over this past year. SO MUCH has happened and changed. Attitudes, relationships, career decisions...I can't even begin to get that personal on this blog (ha!). But trust me, the Lord has done some miraculous, as well as quiet, acts in my life since 2007 started. 

Isn't it amazing to look back and see the Lord's hand carrying you and leading you, even during times when you felt as if He'd left you? I love that, as years pass, we can gain a bigger perspective on our lives. We can truly see the hand of God at work. It's like we are writing our own story, and we can look back on it and be encouraged. 

Looking back is great, but looking forward is another thing. The uncertainty of the future can be burdensome. I just want to encourage you, with whatever you are facing come 2008, you may not know exactly what is going to happen next, but if you're a believer in Jesus, you know where your story will reach it's climactic scene: before the throne of God in heaven where you will hear the sweet voice of our Savior saying, "Well done." God has given us this great climactic scene for our stories...and we take that scene and we get to be creative with the journey on the way to that scene. We live our lives in light of the climactic scene. 

So...two verses that sum this up:

1. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. (Phil 3:14)

2. Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. (Phil 1:27)

Hope you all have a delightful January 1, 2008! 

Inspirations! Cecilia Carlstedt, The Cake Girls, Zara, and Loeffler Randall

Wow, do I ever have the coolest things to share with all you lucky blog readers today! I haven't blogged in a few days and things have piled up. So get ready for a lot of artistic inspirations to ring in the new year! First up, check out Cecilia Carlstedt's work...Finding these sweet artists always just makes my day! You really do need to grab a cup of coffee, sit down, and go through her portfolio. Amazing texture and color. I love how imagery is subtly incorporated into the overall composition. Be warned that it is really artistic.

Are you in the market for a new purse? How 'bout a cake? Yep, those aren't purses...they're cakes! Check out The Cake Girls for some inspiration (especially if you're a bride...they bake such sweet, simply designed cakes). Yummm!

Do you need a new place to find some fashion inspiration, lounge-o-licious music, and a bit of the Spanish language thrown in? I thought you did. Try Zara!Finally, I'm in love with the new accessory line from designer Loeffler Randall. His website has some seriously cool ideas for fashion photography (which is what I love most). Best part? The line is available at Target! Go!

P.S I realize that these posts may seem really small and materialistic. Hopefully, if you know me, or if you've been reading for a while, you know my life does not revolve around fashion and trends. But I do find a lot of creative inspiration from these "petty" pretty things. The things of this world are merely a poor reflection of His glory...but when kept in an eternal perspective the reflection can spur us on to rejoice in what is to come.

"Behold, I will create new heavens and a new earth. The former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind. But be glad and rejoice forever in what I will create." Isaiah 65:17-18

Finding Encouragement in Strange Places

Confession: I read InStyle magazine.

Now, this is a big deal because I was that girl growing up that was highly opposed to fashion magazines because of the whole body image thing. I think it was a good choice for me while I was struggling through all those teenage girl insecurity issues. It also made it easier for me to keep my mind on things of God. Nowadays I like to flip through the pages of a magazine every once in a while to get some inspirations for photography and things. But I think it's crazy the way I've been encouraged spiritually by reading the occasional InStyle magazine.

If your any bit like me, you probably get kinda frustrated and disgusted with the whole celebrity/Hollywood scene. The extravagance, the selfish attitudes, the stupid scandal things, the focus on one-upping everyone else, the obsession with external things, I could go on. BUT I suppose it's not fair to completely overgeneralize all celebrities. Recently, I've found a couple of things that have encouraged me: people (and I'm talking about non-Christians here) really do love and serve others.

So here's my two favorite encouraging things I've found in InStyle magazine:

(1) In the December 2007 issue, Natalie Portman was interviewed for the cover story. She's apparently "living green" and one of her favorite ways to show it was by donating her old shoes to people in Kenya through a website called Shoe 4 Africa. She says, "Each pair that's worn [in Africa] will cut down the spread of disease...If you're going to buy $200 Nikes, then spend $7 to send your old shoes to Africa." I freakin' LOVE IT!! And I'm definitely donating my shoes! Check out the website!!

(2) You know how InStyle always has the "Parties!" section all about who came to so-and-so's party and what they wore? I guess so that we can feel like we were invited? Yeah, it makes me laugh too :) But something caught my eye in the October 2007 issue: a photo of an actress showing off her Invisible Children bracelet! I got excited and read about how Kristen Bell had a little party in honor of Invisible Children! How cool is that? The little caption read, "'Action' took on a whole new meaning for this crowd." I like it.

And as cynical as people can get about Hollywood and all, I'm okay with getting excited about these two things. Even if it is just for publicity or whatever. In Philippians, Paul writes that some preach Christ out of selfish ambition, just trying to stir up trouble, "...but what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice." (Phil 1:17-18) Well said, Paul!

And go donate your shoes to Africa!

Can't we just live?

Before I even jump into everything I feel I could write, I just want to marvel at how God created our minds and emotions and everything that makes us "us." It is mindblowingly complex. It's cool to look at the big picture and know that God is the God who created mountains and galaxies, but I think it's even more incredible to see His attention to detail. Each breath. Syllables. Shadows. The color red. Such tiny things that he gives His attention, all while keeping the big things in order. We serve a God who is everything.



Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! Rom 11:33



These past few days, my mind has not been on the things of God. I've wanted God's leading, but my heart has not put forth the effort to seek Him with all my heart. It's a lesson I've learned a million times, but all my frazzled-ness is calmed when I am in the Word. I finally let down and just read and thought out loud to God a little bit ago...the peace makes it seem like I was never freaked out. And my heart is absoluteley welling up with the love that God must have for His children to offer such peace again and again. So good. So beautiful. And so sweet.



Since my mind hasn't been on God these past few days, my mind has been on myself. Selfishness was the name of the game (and IS the name of the game alot of the time). I do not want it. I want to wake up every morning and ask myself why I am so selfish when I've been given so much. Father please help me get it in perspective.



I was talking to Kassie last night at the NSO paramount movie showing and we were talking about how worrying and selfish thoughts can get us stuck and we miss life. She was telling me that Chase (her boyfriend) always asks her, "Kassie, can't we just live?"



If you've read this blog for any amount of time, you are probably thinking, "Is this an entry from last month. Because it sounds the same." :) You would be right. I get selfish, then realize how dumb and dangerous that is, then come back to the Lord with such joy that He is yet again taking me back. I wish I was a perfect person so that I could give God a great rap on earth...but did anyone catch something wrong with that sentence?



God can make His own great rap. Sorry Caroline.



I don't really understand the mastermind plan of God :) but this I know-- 1. I can't understand it fully (Isaiah 55:9 go look it up), and 2. God is good anyway (Psalm 84:11, go read it. And notice it says "Blameless" which means forgiven...not perfect).



Anyway, I hope you are all having wonderful days and I hope that somehow the Lord uses this to inspire you to Him. As always, I'm greatful to you for reading. :)







Seriously, go look up those verses.

Thoughts on Esther 3

Tonight at Bible study we were looking at Esther 3. We're going to be going through the entire book this semester and it's been so nice to take it slow, just a chapter a week, and really dive deep into the contexts, words, history, and lineages to see what the Lord is weaving together from all these separate lives. I just wanted to share some reassuring thoughts we gathered tonight. Hang in there, it gets wordy but is worth it, I think...PS if you haven't read the book of Esther, this might not make sense. So go read it. It's short. :)

The craziest thing to me in this chapter is how much influence Haman (the "bad guy) has over the King. Haman has so much power, yet we read that he is a descendant of Agag the Amalekite. This is a big deal because God had declared "war against the Amalekites from generation to generation" because of their attack on Israel (see Exodus 17:8-16 and 1 Samuel 15:2 for more on that). So this guy who was an enemy of God was basically the King's right hand man. I find it fascinating that God allowed him to come to that much power. You would think God would be like, "Oh an enemy of mine? He can't be the king's right hand man. All my enemies have to be servants or something." Haha, sorry for the loose interpretation of God's persona. If I were a Jew at that time, I would be like, "Hey God, can't we get this guy out of office?! He's your enemy and he wants to kill us all!" But God is so in control. He allowed Haman that position so that He might further display his glory. He had it under control the whole time. Even when it seemed like Haman was taking over and was going to kill all the Jews, GOD HAD IT UNDER CONTROL.

It gives me comfort to know that even though God might allow "bad people" to come to power over our country, another country, the world, or even something local I'm involved in, He still has it under His control. No matter how powerful the person might seem, that person still must succumb to the power of God. NOTHING is greater or more magnificent than the power of God. EVERY knee will bow. I am so encouraged by that. It is good to know I am on the winning team. Sorry for the lame sports reference.

Another cool little tidbit from Esther 3 is that Haman decides to cast lots to pick the date when he wants to wipe out the Jews. "By a seeming coincidence the date indicated was nearly a year away. As someone has said, 'Even superstition is chained to the divine chariot-wheels.' God overruled to allow sufficient time to thwart Haman's plan. 'The lot is cast into the lap, but it's every decision is from the Lord.' Prov 16:33" So encouraging to know that superstition, the stars, or even Satan are all under God's ruling. I just love it that my God is so powerful! And yet so full of love for His children! If this is making you stand in awe and reverent fear, it should! So awesome! I'm definitely feeling the holy fear in me just thinking about it.

The book of Esther is awesome. One thing that I'm loving right now is reading the Bible with a commentary next to me. Commentaries bring so much light and practical application to some passages of scripture where I'm like, "What?!" My dad bought me the Believer's Bible Commentary by William MacDonald a few years back and that's what I'm using and loving. It's a big fat book, but well worth it! If you're tired in reading the Bible, try it out! It really helps you understand.

Well, thanks for reading this whole post if you made it this far. I hope it made sense. I was just so amazed I wanted to share it! Hopefully you will be spurred on to read the Word and God will reveal even MORE amazing things to you! Have a good night. :)

The Redefining of Music

Music has found a place in my life again and I am enthralled!

When I first started college, my friend Amanda and I were ALWAYS playing some gig somewhere (i mean nothing special AT ALL, just local coffee shops or churches-- although one time we played at The Door in Dallas!). Man, I remember how much a freakin' blast it was to haul all the equipment, analyze other band's drummers techniques, chords, etc., sit in the studio for hours, and talk to other musicians about pedals and stuff. Haha. We really weren't hardcore or anything but the atmosphere was so fun! We quit all that stuff our Junior year because life got crazy you know :)

But now, after hanging out in the studio with the Look to the Sky boys and going to two CD release concerts this weekend, I've just realized how much I missed that music stuff. And live local music, man, call me crazy but I don't think I've heard a live local performance the past 6, 7, 8 months (or something like that). I LOVE local talent! Local is way better than the big guys because you probably have some sort of personal connection to the locals.

Also this weekend, I got to play the piano. I mean really PLAY the piano. I bruised my fingers haha. I grew up playing and my favorite thing to do was improv (I still can't really read music well after years of lessons), but I hadn't played a piano in probably half a year. It was so encouraging and worshipful to just sit down and sing to the King all by myself, making my own music to Him. Ahh, I'm getting excited just thinking about it.

I've led worship with a guitar for a girl's bible study the past year or so, but for some reason I forgot it was music. Music is so passionate and worshipful! The way the Lord gave us fingers to play with, voices to sing with, minds to write with...such a gift! It is so beautiful and it is such a gift! Music can get mundane in the church because it's what we do every Sunday and, well, every time we get together...but harmonies and beautiful sounds and the emotion music carries...it's not mundane.

In the same way I've seen my view of the world around me shifting through photography, I now see my view of music shifting. It is all for the glory of GOD! All of it's beauties and complexities point to OUR GREAT GOD. And he makes gifted people to point others to Him. How I want to use my gifts to point others to Him!

Man Lord, what's next? What are you going to radically change my perspective on next? Because I'm ready!!

We Are Not Unaware...

Last night I was present in a conversation about getting cancer and all the troubles it brings and how most of us will get cancer at some point in our lives. Just so you know, I really do not enjoy conversations like that, and last night was no exception. I just wanted to go outside and look at the beauty of a night sky and get away from all this hard stuff of life. And that's ok.

But later I was thinking. This is life. Life is full, ever so full. Full to the brim with things like excitement and weddings to things like depression and divorce. I can't pretend the bad doesn't exist (although sometimes I'd like to try)...but I have been given a reason to be fearless in the face of it all.

The LORD is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27:1

We would be foolish to avert our eyes to problems and trick ourselves in believing everything is dandy. And I am not going to find my "joy" in turning my eyes from the obvious, claiming naivety--THAT is asking for it. But what I am doing is looking straight in the face of the things- all the things- that come in my full life, acknowledging they are there, but knowing my God is greater. I am finding my joy in the truth that life is hard but God is greater.

There is so much joy in embracing the truth of the moment-- that God is going to provide in His divine manner, no matter what the situation. There is false control in averting our eyes from what is actually happening.

I'm not sure if I'm getting this across well...it is so deep in my heart. All our hopes and dreams of getting out of life predictably, easily, and on schedule are NOTHING compared to God's surpassingly more powerful and more beautiful plan for His children. We can't get our minds around that, it seems...but it is true no matter the way things seem.

When will we as Christians claim that bold promise God freely gives? How much will it take?

The World Spins Madly On

"You can spend your whole life working for something just to have it taken away." -Brett Dennen

My new music love is Brett Dennen. He's great to chill out to. This one line in his song, Ain't No Reason, stuck out to me. That line could seem really tragic, but it depends on your focus. It is a harsh reality, that everything on earth is subject to decay and disappearance. But that is all the more reason to pursue eternal things and hold lightly to the material things of the world. I keep coming back to that thought. This verse sums it up perfectly and completely:

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Mat 6:19-21

Our spiritual "things"- our soul, our salvation, our God-molded hearts, our pursuit of His heart- those things can never be taken away from us. No matter what. I think it's awesome that Brett Dennen and the Bible can even be saying the same thing there. God can use any and every means to get His message across. :)

Hold Lightly

Knowledge means nothing unless it is put into practice...Here are some verses and thoughts that have made a huge difference to me today.

"Do not love the world or anything in the world...The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever." I John 2:15, 17

"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money." Mat 6:24

He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. -Jim Elliot.

I've had ants in my pants or something spawning me on in this race trying to keep up with earthly possessions. I mean I have been freaking out. I admit it- I've held on to the things of the world with a death grip. And the tighter I hold, the more things get out of control. Jesus offers so much peace and we turn Him down for...what? I do not know...but I do it all the time. I want to follow the Voice full of untamed splendor and persistent beauty.

Sweet Jesus forgive me. Be so near. Thank you for this realization, help me put it into practice so that Your name may be praised and honored. Oh how much I love you. Clarity, Lord, please give clarity and rest. Amen.